HOW TO HANDLE UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AS A CHRISTIAN
Everyone has encountered “unhealthy relationships” in their life at one point or another, whether it’s a family member, romantic partner, or a friend. It can be hard to understand why that person is the way they are and how to handle it as a Christian. We value our relationships, treasure them, and want to preserve what goodness we can. However, sometimes we simply can’t.
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This post is all about how to handle unhealthy relationships as a Christian.
How To Handle Unhealthy Relationships As A Christian
Our Job As Christians
As Christians, it is our job to love others and forgive others when they hurt us. Jesus forgave us even though we make mistakes, sin, and are undeserving. If Jesus can forgive us, we can offer forgiveness to others.
Forgiveness may be an easy term, but it is often a difficult action. When we choose to forgive someone, we are choosing to release the hurt and wrongdoing made towards us. We decide to let go of ill feelings and love that person regardless of their actions. Why do we do this? Because Christ does this for us every single day, and we are to reflect Christ.
Don't Confuse "Forgiveness" With "Excusing Behavior"
It is important not to confuse “forgiveness” with “excusing” the behavior. If someone hurts you, acts wrongly, and proves they cannot be trusted, you forgive them and do your part in creating peace to move forward. But when these actions are repeated, you forgive them and protect yourself.
God made you, and your faith is precious. Allowing people who constantly exhaust you and your reservoir of faith to invade your life does not benefit you or them. When someone continues to disrupt your walk with Christ, fill your home with toxicity, create strain in your relationships, and cross boundaries time and time again, it is time to make protection a priority.
Where We Go Wrong
Here's what happens... A person keeps displaying an action or behavior that is hurtful and disrespectful. It could be gossiping, being untrustworthy, making ultimatums, trying to dictate your decisions, or just being disrespectful. When these behaviors present themselves, they cause hurt and strain that relationship.
So badly do we want to explain why these behaviors are hurtful and fix them, but it doesn’t always happen. We women are natural peacemakers. Most of us don’t like confrontation and will often put our needs on the back burner to please others or preserve relationships, even when they are hurtful. Boundaries consistently get crossed, cruel actions increase, and you are left feeling helpless.
What Usually Results
When you get to that dark place, it consumes your thoughts and emotions. You are no longer living by how God has called you to, but you are living to please that person. The negativity fills your days and your home and becomes a consuming fire. Now, you have a stumbling block in your faith. It's hard to fixate on Jesus when Satan has you distracted and zoned out with hurt. When a relationship gets to that place, it's time to say goodbye.
Are You Doing The Right Thing?
A lot of the time, when we feel we must end certain relationships because of this, you can wonder if you are doing the right thing as a Christian. You may also feel heartbreak if that person is close to you. You might feel guilty and second-guess your decision to end the relationship.
I want to offer you a scripture and encourage you to pray.
Romans 12:18 “If possible, as it depends on you, create peace with everyone.”
Please read this verse. Now let's dive in…
Notice What God Is Saying
First. I want you to notice that God started this verse by saying, “If possible.” If the Lord knew that it was possible to maintain peace with everyone, he would have said, “Create peace with everyone” but He didn’t say that. He starts by saying, “If possible”. This means that God is fully aware that it is not always possible to maintain peace! He is a wise God, and he knows that not everything can be fixed.
What God Wants Us To Do
The next part of the verse says, “As it depends on you.” This means that as Christians, we are called to forgive, love, and try our very best to create peace. You can do this by explaining why specific actions are hurtful, creating boundaries to prevent further hurt, getting some space, or even giving multiple chances.
God also calls us to pray for the people who hurt us. We should pray for them fiercely and pray for those relationships and wrongdoings. When you do all these things and peace still cannot be created, you have done your part. You have done everything you can to create peace and work through things. Sometimes, unfortunately, it just doesn’t work.
What You Can And Can't Do
It's important to remember that you cannot change others. You can not make others apologize for their actions, see things from your perspective, own their wrongdoings, or try to make things right. As much as you think you can and may want to, you cannot.
The only thing you can control and change is who you let in your life, who you give access to, and how you determine you should be treated. Spoiler alert... you are made in the image of God and were not made to be a doormat, be disrespected, taken advantage of, or be in a relationship that causes a stumbling block in your walk with Christ.
Knowing It's Time To Walk Away
Once you examine the relationship and determine it isn’t possible. You have done everything you can do. Then, you can feel confident that you can end that relationship without guilt.
It is hard to realize that a relationship needs to end finally, even heart-wrenching and scary at times. However, your walk with Christ is the MOST crucial relationship in your life! Anything that disrupts that relationship or creates a constant stumbling block for sin or distraction needs to be sifted out.
Coming to terms with the fact that a relationship is ending can be scary. I encourage you to check out "Trusting God In Hard Times" for help 🙂
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You cannot fix anyone. You cannot save anyone. As hard as it is to hear, there is only ONE Savior, and you, unfortunately, are not him. Continue to pray for those who hurt you and those whom you have to walk out of your life. Forgive them and love them, but do not let them continue to be a stumbling block. Your faith and walk with Christ are too precious and need to remain the top priority.
Written by: Allie Buchanan